Turkey Trot and Thanksgiving Day hardware

•27/11/2009 • 1 Comment

I’ve never run a Turkey Trot. Probably because we’re asked to arrive at 9 or 10am at whomever’s family member’s house we are going to for a Thanksgiving feast. Clearly, this cuts into any potential holiday races. But, not this year.

I was determined to race a Turkey Trot this year. Not because I’d been training for one, but simply because I WANTED TO DO IT! Finally. For several weeks, I had been shopping around for a 5k on Thursday morning and found a handful. I ended up settling for a race not 15 minutes from my house. However, I didn’t actually register for said race until Wednesday. I’m not sure if that’s because I wanted to allow myself the opportunity to back out, or if it’s because I was waiting for something better to come along, or what. You know, like when you won’t commit to an invitation someone has extended to you, because it doesn’t sound TOO fun, and you’re kind of hoping someone else extends an invitation to do something “better.” So, you just say something like, “Oh, let me look at my calendar, and I’ll get back with you.” But you purposely stall the “getting back with them” until you can attempt to arrange other plans. And then, when you DO finally call them back, you say something like, “Omg, I completely forgot about this OTHER thing I PROMISED I would do. I AM SO SORRY!” But, after you do this “other” thing instead of attending the original invitation, you didn’t have as much fun as you thought you would, and you wish you had just attending the original invitation.

And, is it even possible for a “better” 5k to come along? Is that like when you’re single and you’re waiting for a “better” man to come along? Can you even possibly relate a 5k and a man?

I digress. I registered Wednesday afternoon. Commited carbocide that night, along with a handful of peanut M&M’s, and awoke the next morning with mild trepidation. I remember years ago when I was in high school and racing 5k’s weekly. I was always so nervous right when I woke up. Not Thursday. I was so laissez faire about the entire affair. I hadn’t even set out my race clothes and breakfast the night before as I typically do. In fact, when I rolled out of bed at 7am, I just kind of “hung out” for 45 minutes until I left. I didn’t even eat breakfast. A huge “no-no” for me. Instead, I went through some catalogs that had come in the mail, I may have read Chloe’s blog, I did throw some things in a bag that I might need: gloves, hat, flip flops. Because those things actually DO go together in Colorado. At the last minute, I realized I didn’t know where I was going. So, I typed the address into my iPhone and finally, dressed and ready to go, I grabbed my bag and was out the door. I had high expectations for this race.

It was a sunny and warm 35 degrees as I pulled up to the neighborhood’s Community Center. Not to be confused with Senior Center. For having registered the day before, I was pleasantly surprised that they had my correct t-shirt size (S), though the nice lady behind the table said I should consider the Medium. I wasn’t sure if I should be offended or not, but then again, I did have on a thick North Face fleece, as well as warm-up pants. When I asked if I could see the Small shirt, she took it out, held it up, and said, “Oh this will be fine, you seem tiny.” Lucky for her that she said that. And she doesn’t even know HOW lucky.

I enjoy the fact that it’s long sleeves. Goodness knows I have way too many SHORT sleeve cotton shirts that I’ll never wear. Now, I can start collected LONG sleeves cotton shirts that I’ll never wear.

After the shirt debacle, that literally lasted 10 seconds, but I drew out in this post to make it seem that it lasted much, much longer, I picked up my timing chip, in the form of a velcro anklet. Made my way back to my car and began my pre-warm up, pre-race rituals: crumble bib (I never race anymore with a stiff bib. Crumble that sucker up and it moves with you more freely*.), set out pins, turn Nimrag on so he can locate satellites, um, I think that’s it.

It was 8:10. Race was at 9. I decided to go ahead and leave for my warm-up. I did. I jogged an easy 10 minutes, with my gloves on my cold hands**. I knew I’d wear them. During the warm-up I felt heavy and “unraceable.” It could have been the layers I was wearing. I began thinking about realistic goals for myself. Hmmm. I had been 5k training with my kids during Cross Country season, but that’s been over for a few weeks. I’ve certainly been running since the season has been over, but haven’t done any speed. Great tempo runs. Great long runs. Maybe somewhere in the low 22’s. I’d be okay with that. Not happy. But okay. Think of this as a speed work out, a training run.

When I got back from the warm-up, I stretched really well, while I watched a girl doing what seemed like WAY TOO MANY stride outs. It was about 8:40am now, and I knew the start was 1/4 mile up the road, and I wanted to be there at about 8:50. I pinned my bib onto my shirt and velcro’d on the anklet. Nimrag is cleared and strapped onto my wrist. It’s warming up now, so I strip off the warm-up clothes, leaving them, and my gloves in the car. On my way to the start, I overhear one soccer mom, talking to another soccer mom, very matter-of-factly about how she races: “I typically take that first mile in the race just to warm up, and then race the final two.” I smirked, and under my breath said, “Or, you could actually warm up BEFORE the race, instead of warming up DURING the race.”

At the race start, Josh, from Redline Racing, who has helped direct some of our cross country races with his nifty timing system, announces that they are still registering runners and they would start as close to 9am as possible. Which really mean, “we’re not going to start the race at 9am because SOME people don’t have enough forethought to actually register for a race at least 30 minutes BEFORE the race actually starts.” In the meantime, he dashes everyone’s hopes of winning the race by telling us that of the 750 people who registered, we have elites among us. The American 25k record holder was there. But, since I don’t know if Fernando Cabada was really there, I can’t confirm or deny this statement. Offical results pending. But, the first row of runners DID look rather fast. Also overheard at the start line, a group of guys talking about who would be pacing which miles: “I’ll take that last mile. What, about a 12 minute pace?” Laughs. Same wiseguy: “Where should we meet at the end? How about the med tent? There has to be a med tent.” Giggles.

Josh moves us back a few paces to “the tree.” The official starting location. I’m still not nervous. At 9:05 ish, “On your mark, get set, gobble gobble,” starts the race.

Mile 1
Though I was up toward the front of the pack, and off to the side (my favorite starting spot), I still weave a bit through the hopefuls. I surprisingly find my breathing rhythm and cadence rather quickly, but the slight downhill makes me question my pacing. “It’s just 3 miles,” I keep telling myself. And then just as quickly, I tell myself, “But conserve and save something for mile 3!” I was feeling good during the entire mile, but knew mile 2 was looming. Mile 2 is always the toughest for me in a 5k.

Mile 1 pace: 6:48

Mile 2
Here she is, mile 2. Just as expected, she’s the tough one. I decide to chunk this measly mile into halves. I know it will go quickly. But, then again, most of this mile is uphill. I tackle them all with ease. And by ease, I mean heavy breathing, quick steps, exaggerated arm swinging, grimacing, spitting, etc. Nonetheless, I may have passed a few people on those hill surges. Thank you CC team for running hills every week. As we round a corner, I can see the runners ahead of me and I try to count the number of females I see. 4? 5? By the end of this mile, I hurt. And, my stomach feels, um, unsettled.

Mile 2 pace: 7:08

Mile 3
Final mile. I love this final mile. You’re so close to the finish, but you can still do some damage. To your time. To yourself. To others. I’m feeling another slight downhill and I take advantage of it. I open up, lengthen my stride. By 2.5, I really feel like I could stop for a liquid scream. I toughen up, tackle the next 1/2 mile, all the while willing myself to NOT sing a rainbow.

Mile 3 pace: 6:46

Mile .10
I’ve been running “next to” a guy who clearly does NOT WANT TO BE BEATEN BY A GIRL. So, when I see the Finish line, I give what’s left, surge, and pass him. Because that’s just the way I am. I cross the line. Look at my watch and nearly leggo my eggo when I see my time.

Nimrag time: 20:48
Chip time: 20:49***
Overall pace: 6:42

I see a couple of girls ahead of me, congratulate them, and ask how many other females have crossed the line. One of them mentions 2-3 names.

I know awards are at 10:15, and I’m debating on whether or not to stay for them. It feels a little presumptuous to stay, not knowing if I’m really going to be in the top 3 of my age group, in which case I would medal. Contemplating, I snack on my post-race treats of yogurt, granola, banana, veggie burrito, water, etc., go to my car, grab my fleece, shuffle, and off I go for a 10 minute cool down. Stretch. By now, it’s nearly 10am, and I hope that results are posted so I can see if it’s worthwhile to stay for awards or not. Results are not posted. I continue to debate with myself. An inner delimma. On one hand, is it snotty and presumptuous to stay for awards because I THINK I may have medaled? On the other hand, if I DID medal, it would have been worth it to stay, get my hardware, and have something to be tangibly proud of, other than my stellar time. In the end, I donned my flip flops (I knew I’d wear them), and I stayed.

The awards ceremony started out with 30 minutes of raffle prizes. At 10:50, they began awards. When they announced that the winner of my age group (20-29) ran a 19:50, I thought surely there would have/could have been a runner or two between her time and mine. A full minute. Then, I hear my name being called for 2nd place. I walk on weak legs to the front, Josh hands me my medal, and a cloud carries me out of the building.

Overall results are pending. I’ll post my standings soon enough.

*Useless tip #217, from Carpeviam. You’re welcome.

**I added, “my cold hands” because I hate ending sentences with a preposition. Sometimes, I will randomly add words so that my sentences don’t end with them.

***My high school PR was 20:10. I’m 11 years older and 40 seconds off of my PR. Holy 5k’s!

This post was entirely too long. I’ll write another about what I did after the race. Hold your breath…

“…to enhance playtime with your feline friends.”

•23/11/2009 • 9 Comments

At a recent school meeting that E and I weren’t paying any attention to, I was discussing the hilarity that is the site, I Can Has Cheezburger. She had no clue what I was talking/laughing about, and I was just made to look even sillier when I couldn’t access the site due to the district’s “web blocker.” So, later, I sent her the link, only to have this one sent back to me.

Then, I found MORE photos!

I’m scared.

And, then I find out, WTF, there is an iPhone app for Kitty Wigs! I promptly downloaded THAT awesomeness! I don’t need a cat to have a little fun with iPhone photos, wigs, and the like.

B.Ri.

My bro, Buddy Gregg.

And, yours truly.

Trust me. Get the iPhone app. The $.99 is worth AT LEAST 10 minutes of your wasted time.

You’re welcome.

98, 99,…100!

•22/11/2009 • 10 Comments

When I first started blogging on February 28, 2009, I never thought I’d be so uncelebrated well received into the blogging community.  Now, after 8.5 months, and eight HUNDREDS  of consistent readers, I know I’ve hit my prime.  And it feels good.  Fantastic.  To celebrate this surely forgetful commemorative occasion, the 100’s of Carpeviam.  A list of 10 things, under 10 topics, all about my blog (and in no particular order).

10 favorite posts

  1. Tit for tat bubble wrapped in pot*
  2. Day 1:  I’m as bloated as Rush Limbaugh’s ego.
  3. Boston Marathon-Perspectives and Ruminations
  4. Boston Marathon-Full Race Report
  5. My “bad ass” weekend
  6. Pacific Northwest Part III
  7. Bolder Boulder 10k Race Report
  8. Time flies like an arrow.  Fruit flies like a banana.*
  9. The House of the Devil Review
  10. Paranormal Activity Review

10 least favorite posts (yeah, I’m sure since I’ve confirmed that these are my “least” favorite, you’ll surely click on the links)

  1. As pure as the driven snow…but you drifted
  2. When I’ve got nothing else, you get this
  3. Friday Fail:  Cereal Killer
  4. 4th of July:  Independence from conscience.  America’s excuse to over-indulge.
  5. Thursday Mish Mash
  6. I’m back!  Temporarily.  Here’s a brief recap of the week.
  7. Just breathe.  Just sleep.  Just get it together.
  8. Egads!  They keep getting faster!
  9. Phone it in Friday
  10. Good wine is a good familiar creature

10 favorite photos

10 favorite post comments (this was too hard, and I had too many comments to sort through, so I chose them at random)

  1. “Welcome to the club. ;) “  Xenia
  2. “My hero.”  Tantris
  3. “…i think we met spiritually during the race many times over!” Doc
  4. “Insomnia is the worst. I find that drinking Scotch right before you go to bed usually helps.” Cowboy Hazel
  5. “I just love your writing style, really makes me want to read your posts but not see this movie.”  Margaret
  6. “I love those two sonicare minutes & sometimes can drag it out for FOUR minutes.” JoyRuN
  7. “*Ahem*! The first will be the long-promised @$$ pix, right?  Then you’ll have an @$$-some blog. Way better than awesome.  Unless you were lying about yer @$$.  Or your new camera.”  GQH
  8. “EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! YAY FOR YOU! I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU! Maybe someday we can get together and randomly punch buttons and twist dials together on our cameras, ha yeah.”  Chloe
  9. “Yes, I love that you, the chick, are the fast and deadly one in the relationship.”  M2M
  10. “I don’t like any melons either, which is why I never buy the fruit cups…always full of melons with maybe 2 strawberries. Ridiculous.”  Roisin
10 favorite post recipes
  1. Snickerdoodles
  2. Eggnog pancakes
  3. Peach Pie with Creme Fraiche and Streusal
  4. Rum Cake (secret recipe)
  5. Crawfish Pie
  6. Shrimp Etouffee
  7. Oatmeal Caramelitas
  8. Samoa girl scout cookies
  9. Chocolate Chip Cookies
  10. Peanut butter/oatmeal/chocolate cookies

10 favorite post reviews (okay, some of these are kind of a stretch)

  1. Side effects may include upset stomach, vomiting, diarrhea, hives, difficulty breathing, dizziness, or swelling.  All in the name of vanity.
  2. The House of the Devil Review
  3. Paranormal Activity Review
  4. Coaching, running, and a Nuun review (keep your habit on)
  5. A change in race distances + RANT & RAVE
  6. Werewolfing would give me something to do when insomnia struck on the night of a full moon
  7. Watchmen don’t watch chick flicks
  8. I got chills, they’re multiplying
  9. 4th of July:  Independence from conscience.  America’s excuse to over-indulge.
  10. Colorado wine country…Napa’s “wannabe”

10 posts that have caused me extra research

  1. Determine Nation
  2. Like The Bloop*, except on land, and the fact that it doesn’t really sound like The Bloop
  3. Shopping for a half
  4. Friday Fail:  Cereal Killer
  5. Billie Jean is not my lover.  But, if she were hot, she could definitely have K’s son.  I mean, someone’s got to.  And, death in threes.
  6. Werewolfing would give me something to do when insomnia struck on the night of a full moon
  7. Bring home the bacon!
  8. Wicked pissah…or, whatever the hell they say in Boston
  9. Between the miles
  10. Pacific Northwest Part I

10 blogs that I read most often

  1. Chloe Conspiracy
  2. Xenia
  3. The Loose Moose
  4. Runner’s Rambles
  5. Cowboy Hazel
  6. The Beat of My Noisy Heart
  7. Running Bull
  8. Cake Wrecks
  9. Doc Laminator
  10. The Bloggess

10 funny/strange search engine terms used to find my blog (one day, I’m going to post a list of the top 10 search engine terms and see how many hits I get)

  1. i’m sweating like a pedophile at recess
  2. take my ass
  3. vomiting diarrhea and loss of voice
  4. i am not a number i am a free man sample
  5. i know craig ferguson maybe this time
  6. cleavage (img or dsc)
  7. ass to mouth
  8. samoan girl
  9. dinosaurs shoes
  10. night of the giving head sample

10 most viewed posts

  1. I may actually like the Merry Ol’ Land of Oz. I could join the Lollipop Guild!
  2. Like The Bloop*, except on land, and the fact that it doesn’t sound like The Bloop
  3. There once was a man from Nantucket
  4. Pacific Northwest Part II
  5. Who is carpeviam?
  6. Treadmills:  my arch nemesis
  7. Palisade Peach Pie Perfection.  That’s some damn fine alliteration, if I’ve ever seen it.
  8. Two Minutes to Boston:  Marathon training update
  9. Yeah, I’m an ab whore.  And, some running stuff.
  10. Free sample Wednesday!  Don’t be hoodwinked.  I’m not really giving out free samples.  Yet.

Phone it in Friday: It’s not easy being green

•20/11/2009 • 5 Comments

I received this note yesterday from a co-worker and found it to be quite ironic. Though “think green” could just be a direct reference to the green frog, in our current state of mind, “think green” actually refers to our current state of living, in that we reverse the way we think about waste. For many, this comes in the form of paper waste.

So…
a) the note asks the author to “think green”
b) paper was wasted for a “thanks”
c) two pieces of paper ended up being stuck together

How ironical. AND WHAT A WASTE OF PAPER!

When the clinically insane go outside for a run

•15/11/2009 • 19 Comments

As a runner, there are certain things that can be expected during a long run:

  1. The sunrise (if up early enough)
  2. Hydration and fuel
  3. Wolf calls
  4. Belabored breathing
  5. People honking their car horns
  6. Dogs barking
  7. Tired muscles
  8. Blisters
  9. Greetings to fellow runners and passers-by
  10. Knee pain

But also as a runner, there are things that might occur on a long run, that are NOT expected:

  1. Muscle cramping
  2. Nimrag loses satellite reception or battery dies
  3. Grabbing the wrong flavor GU, but consuming it anyway
  4. Getting sprayed by water/slush/snow as cars whiz by
  5. iShuffle going dead
  6. Witnessing a rollover car accident
  7. Urgency to urinate or worse
  8. Realizing your planned route is shorter than desired
  9. Feelings of nausea
  10. Getting hit by a car

While I’ve experienced all of these things at some point, it’s number 10, that I’d like to discuss.  Up until today, I had only heard rumors about runners getting hit by cars.  And I only know 1 person, B-Ri, who has been hit by a car whilst running.  Granted, it’s also worthy noting that he’s been hit by a car 4 different times that he’s been running. 

Anyway, I was out on a 12 mile long run today.  A simple out-and-back  that I was making up as I ran along.  I don’t typically stay to the streets and sidewalks, as they’re hard on my knees, but today was different.  Due to last nights 8 inch snowfall, I decided to avoid the unclear trails and run on the shoveled sidewalks and streets.  I knew I’d have the occasional snowy patch to run through, but it was better than a full 12 miles of snow (which I’ve done before and let me tell you, IT’S HARD!).  During mile 7, I was crossing a street that required drivers to slow down as they approaced the intersection, come to a complete stop, look both ways for oncoming traffic or pedestrians, and then upon seeing a clear right-of-way, proceed slowly into the intersection.  LITTLE BLUE SUBARU DID NONE OF THESE THINGS.  Luckily, I was paying attention.  When I saw LBS approaching the intersection, I was expecting him to slow down, but when he didn’t, I put out my hand.  He continued to roll through the stop sign, causing me to place my hand on his hood, side step as much as I was able to and hope for the best.  He still hit my leg.  I was fine though, and continued on to the sidewalk across the intersection.  And do you know that LBS DIDN’T EVEN STOP to see if I was okay?  HE WENT RIGHT THROUGH THE INTERSECTION AND CONTINUED DRIVING.  What a fuckass.  I was more pissed off than anything.  So, now I join the ranks of “I was hit by a car when running.”  

In hindsight, I wish I had made a bigger spectacle of the ordeal.  If it hadn’t been so icy, slushy, and wet, it would have been fun to “fall” to the ground, grabbing my leg to see if he’d have stopped.  He probably wouldn’t have.  I settled instead for hitting his hood with my hand and a string of explitives.  This still felt good. 

I told a handful of friends what happened, and after making sure I was okay, C said, “And that’ll teach ya for running when only the clinically insane go outside!”

To confirm that theory, depite the car, the snow, the ice, and wearing my YakTrax, I still managed to run the 12 miles at an 8:10 pace.

Just another day at the office

•11/11/2009 • 15 Comments

No school today, Veteran’s Day*. At least not for the kids. Teachers, on the other hand, were fortunate enough to have a Professional Work Day. Professional Work Day is code for “bring-your-own-drab-coffee-to-work-and-sit-on-your-ass-during-a-boring-meeting-half-listening-to-principal-and-colleagues-blather-on-about-interventions-whilst-dreaming-about-sleeping-in-today-or-at-least-drinking-not-so-drab-coffee-at-local-coffee-shoppe-and-eating-warm-scone**.” Later, I was able to squeeze in some grading as well as working on report cards.

photo

Fact: No props here. I really do teach my 2nd graders probability and statistics. Out of 21 kids, how many are most likely to get a hangnail and cry for a band-aid in the nurse’s office?

Fact: I did NOT draw the happy blue mountains in the background. I happen to have students under my bewitching spell and they like me and draw pictures for me. Then, I boost their ego by posting them to my cabinets.

Fact: I sometimes wear those little “foot socks” when I have flats on, such as those jazzy little red numbers I have on in the pic. Yeah, I know they look stupid. Deal with it.

  • subFact A: They help my feet not stick to the bottom of the shoe and then I don’t have to hear foot and shoe make those nasty “suctiony” sounds.
  • subFact B: They help my feet not smell so badly. Because yes, my feet sweat. And they have been known to smell badly.  Whales smell them, and then die.  I MAY have gotten that backwards.

*I thanked those I knew who are either currently serving, or who once served our country.  Like Benny!

**I really WAS paying attention in that meeting. I’m not like some teachers who allow children to fall through the cracks. I mean this literally, of course. There ARE cracks in the “bridge” on the playground equipment! I don’t want my littles to fall between them and get hurt. I’m responsible for them! I’m responsible for the littles, not the crack. But, if I HAD crack, I’d be responsible for that too. Keep it in a safe place. At home of course, not at school.

State Championships 2009

•08/11/2009 • 16 Comments

Two weeks ago, my athletes ran the cross country Regional race in hopes of State qualification. Our girls team, and one of our boys, qualified to run in the following weekend’s State race. However, due to an unexpected and massive snow storm, the course was covered with 18 inches of snow and thus postponed a week. This happened my Junior year of high school. A blizzard hit Colorado the Friday before the Saturday morning race. The majority of athletes were already in the race city and stuck in a hotel until Sunday! We came back the following week for the race. It’s really tough mentally to have another week of practice. You’re SO ready to race, and then you can’t! Another week to try to stay INJURY FREE! Minimize the risk!

On Friday, the five coaches picked up the kids after school and made our way 50 miles north, to Ft. Collins. We had a quick pre-run together (HOLY BUCKETS! These kids are SO ready to run! Fast pace and LOADS of energy!), went to the pre-sale for State shirt purchases, and off to Olive Garden to commit carbocide (name that movie!).

photo

Back to the hotel for a pre-race pep talk. This is such an amazing group of kids. 7 of the 9 are underclassmen! And State is a new experience for the same number of them. They’re nervous. They’re excited. And they have SO MUCH POTENTIAL in the years to come since they are such a “young” team. It’s great to see them on the cusp of what they’ll become.

After the kids went to bed…

…a little puff-painting of the “coach” t-shirts the kids made for us. And some other adult type things that I won’t post pictures of, or refer to, because you should continue to think that the 5 of us are responsible coaches who would never do silly things when the kids go to bed.

IMG_1269

The morning of the race, we ate breakfast at a nearby Egg and I. You could clearly see the kids nerves exhibited in their facial expressions, appetite, and general demeanor! Soon, it would all be over. We checked out of the hotel, drove to the course (held at Fossil Ridge High School, a course we had run earlier in the season), and our one boy, C, prepared for his 11am race.

Head coach, E, getting prepared, and just as nervous as the kids!

IMG_1330

C toed the line, and seemed to be overwhelmed by the enormity of the field. 195 runners. What Freshman WOULDN’T be overwhelmed?!

photo4

C ran his own race, and ran it well, finishing within 12 seconds of his season PR! He will be very fun to watch over the next few years.

Time: 17:34
Place: 62/195

The winner of the boys race ran a 15:24! Holy 4.58-per-mile Batman!

The girls race was next. 1230pm. Another huge field, consisting of 172 runners and 23 full teams.

On the line…

photo3

Our lead runner, T, was quite determined in her overall placement. Last year, as a Junior, she placed 25th. We knew she could be top 10 this year and E had given her some pointers on who to hang with, when to pass, etc. It was wonderful to watch ALL the girls on the team run hard and enjoy the final race of the season. At the final 400m stretch, we watched T round the corner in 10th place! She got her medal. when she took the stand at the awards ceremony, and was only 4 seconds off of her personal PR! Her time: 19:08. Winning time: 18:17.

Our girls team was 14th of 23 teams. All of these girls have a great running career in their future. Since the majority are Freshmen, we anticipate their times dropping over the next few seasons. T will graduate and go on to run in college. She worked SO hard all of these years to drop her time! Way to go!

Overall, we are such proud coaches! State is like icing on the cake for a runner’s seaons. Regionals is really the race that counts, because it determines who moves on to State. It’s a great experience for these kids and it’s the 3rd year in a row that our girls team has qualified and competed at the State meet! That says a lot about head coach, E, and not so much about assistant coach, Carpeviam! Haha!

Great season and another in the bag!

Side effects may include upset stomach, vomiting, diarrhea, hives, difficulty breathing, dizziness, or swelling. All in the name of vanity.

•03/11/2009 • 14 Comments

I received this email not too long ago about a product review. Initially, I was SO EXCITED! Someone found my blog and thought that I was “INFLUENTIAL” enough to actually review a product and potentially coerce people into buying it! And then I read it…

Hi there,

My name is Amanda, and I’m with Rocket XL, a marketing agency based in Los Angeles. I stumbled across your website and wanted to invite you to join our online review team for a product called Sensa. As a busy [woman or mom] who has a lot on your plate, we wanted to see if Sensa maybe something that can help you in your fitness and weight-loss goals.

We’d love to send you a FREE 3-month Sensa Starter Kit (a $197 value) to review and hope you will share your thoughts and experiences with your readers. We also will give you a unique code that will allow your readers to get a Sensa Trial Kit FREE for 60-days. In addition, we will be running a contest where the site that has the highest number of trials will win some great prizes!

Please let me know if you are interested and I will follow up soon with more details about the campaign and prizing opportunity. We’d love to have your influential voice included. Thanks for taking the time to consider this opportunity – looking forward to hearing back from you!

Take care,
Amanda

First of all, there is nothing more convincing to me that I’ll loose weight than SPRINKLING a diet drug on my food. That’s just screaming “Slim!” And, wait, if you had actually READ MY BLOG, you would know that I don’t even HAVE weight-loss goals! I’m a RUNNER, (not a recumbent bicyclist!) of ALL distances, primarily of the 1/2 and full marathon variety.

And secondly, your comment, “as a busy [woman or mom] who has a lot on your plate,” is just UNCANNY! A LOT on your PLATE?! If that’s not subliminal, I don’t know what is! Very creative, you marketing genious!

Thirdly, as far as my “influential” voice goes, let it be known, that I am more than just influential; I’m revolutionary. Do you even know how many people read my blog? No? Well, it’s a lot. I think.

With age comes perfection. Sadly, that doesn’t apply to blogging. Or, MY blog anyway.

•02/11/2009 • 14 Comments

So, I’m approaching my 100th blog post. This seems like it should be monumental. I mean, sure A YEAR is even more monumental, but 100?! F*ck, yeah! I started out not knowing what to write for my first entry. And now, 90-something posts in, I STILL don’t know what to write. Haha! I’m sure you all thought I had each post perfectly planned out! Gotcha! And, hells no! Okay, SOME events in my life do lend themselves to a post. Even some NONevents in my life lend themselves to a post. But one thing is for certain, I still have a very low following of readers. Don’t let the 8,000+ “visits” recorder on the bottom of right hand bar fool you. It’s probably just the same person checking my blog over and over seeing if I’ve posted anything new and different. The answer is simple: no and no! Or, it’s just the people who keep Googling “little ass” and MY blog comes up. Something to be proud of. Maybe it’s more that I have a following, but a QUIET following. Perhaps it’s a “closet” following, so to speak. Wait, are people afraid to speak out on my blog? Maybe they just like to read it instead of participate in the talkiness that happens in the comment section. Or, I should rephrase, the talkiness that COULD happen in the comment section. Maybe my blog is like a “cult classic.” Or, maybe they’re like the people who attend college classes and never talk to anyone, but instead come in, sit in the back, hear the crappy lecture, collect books and notes, and jet. So, to compare, my readers come to my blog, reads the posts that are shittyness, satisfy their voyeuristic needs, perhaps even a laugh (if I’m lucky), and jet. Onto the next blog. I’m a blog among blogs.

I digress. 100th post. I feel like I should already be preparing for some badass shit to hit the blogosphere come numero cien. A funny video or picture? A sultry picture of yours truly? Provided those even exist. I’m sure Glaven will run with that. A question and answer session? A giveaway of sorts? What, what?!

Those of you who actually read this blog, please feel free to comment. Oh fine, DON’T comment, see if I care! Actually, I do care. 100th post suggestions are welcome.

In this town we call home, everyone hail to the pumpkin song

•31/10/2009 • 2 Comments

One of the best Halloween songs. I won’t watch the film, The Nightmare Before Christmas, because it will creep me out! The voices alone in the song creep me out!

Photos from around the neighborhood.

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My house. More pictures because it just looks better at night and I didn’t want to trapse around the neighborhood at night after our snowstorm that left 25 inches of snow. Call me lazy.

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Happy Halloween!